Sexual Purity in Ministry
October 15th, 2008 by Carl Thomas.At times, it seems that God puts His finger on something and then everywhere you look you see it. In the last couple of weeks I have seen God pointing out sexual purity among ministers. You hear lots of ministers talk about purity in the singles but God seems to be challenging the minsiters directly.
John Piper summed up Jesus’ thoughts in Matthew 5:28-29 by stating
If you don’t fight lust you won’t go to heaven.
Pretty sobering thought.
Perry Noble has a post today that is titled, Hey Pastors, Keep It in Your Pants. In it, he pleads with pastors to deal with their lust issues now instead of after their ministry is destroyed. While the post is a little crass, here is a great excerpt
Pastors…I am NOT a legalist…except for this subject! We simply CANNOT allow the enemy to steal our calling, kill God’s work and destroy our families simply because we began thinking between our legs and not between our ears!
My advice…take RADICAL steps. Make a committment to NEVER be alone with a woman! EVER…under ANY circumstances. Form a relationship with a godly man whom you trust and talk about your struggles…every single one of them. Pastors–we’ve GOT to stop trying to impress others with how “godly we are!” HONESTY paves the way to INTIMACY with GOD…and the reason a lot of pastors don’t feel a connection with the ALMIGHTY is because they are too busy trying to “connect” with a willing woman…BUT denying that they have the desire to do so!!!
Hey Perry, how do you really feel?
My wife recently reminded me that there is an attractive quality about the preacher with the microphone. I am no model, but the anointing is beautiful and attracts people. I have a bunch of folks in my little ministry that came from a church that fell apart after it was found out that the pastor was having relations with several women. What a shame. I am asking God to search my heart and purify me. But it can’t stop there.
Pastors I have a challenge for you. Ask your wife if she is ucomfortable with any of your relationships. Ask your leaders if they think there are any blind spots in your relationships with women. Let God, the devil, and everyone in between know that you are not going to be lulled to sleep in this issue. Then don’t be offended when you get honest answers you were not ready for. Thank the Lord you found out while you can still deal with it.
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Great to bring this up, and I agree that your wife is your best defense. If something is remotely fishy, she’ll get uncomfortable. Many pastors have the habit of “counseling” women, which I think is the most dangerous practice of all. I personally think praying for someone of the opposite sex in a public setting is fine, but these private man-woman counseling sessions are crazy.
Having an affair is like committing spiritual suicide. Ruin your relationship with your wife, mess your kids up for life, lose your ministry status. It’s a form of insanity.
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I heard Carlton Pearson say the same thing about the anointing, that it is “attractive”. I remember him telling stories about women (”Christian” women!)literally throwing themselves at him when he was single. I saw some of that myself when I was in his ministry.
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October 15th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
That ought to tell you something right there.
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October 16th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Yep it does…for one, those women wern’t all that discerning!
LOL (:
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October 16th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Maybe they were. Who knows what they were after.
Being that I am a model (in my own mind) this is certainly an issue for me. LOL In all honesty, ministry has forced my wife and I to open lines of communication that simply weren’t there previously. While she was blogging (which I wish she would do again) she wrote an article entitled “I think my Pastor is Hot”. I can’t remember the statistical data that she referenced but it was pretty scary.
If you think about it there are some obvious reasons why the anointing is attractive. There is the whole “spot light” life that they perceive. We offer encouragement. We express love. We actually care (at least most of the time). And many other things that women don’t often receive from their husbands or are qualities most single women would be looking for in a man.
So I chose to not only NEVER be alone with a women (other than my wife) I try to demean and belittle them from the pulpit as often as possible. My next step is to let myself go physically so that there is no amount of anointing that would catch their attention. I hope you can pick up my humor and sarcasm… at least about the last two points.
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In our ministry we assume the enemy is going to try something. So we have rules.
Never, EVER be alone, EVEN if they seem harmless, with a person of the opposite sex in the same room and EXPECIALLY with the door closed. That means counseling.
Never have a person of the opposite sex become your confidant. Unless it is your spouse of course LOL!
No full frontal hugs, side to side IF that.
Don’t put yourself in a position that could be taken wrong, EVER.
It’s kept me pretty clean :D. Although some things seem silly I am sure glad they were there, it gives you an out :D.
The anointing is really attractive and people take it the wrong way lot’s of times!
PS if your wife doesn’t like how someone is acting, she has a built in radar, listen to her!!
I have watched them fall by the dozen, it’s ugly and it hurts.
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Good points Nathan. I do 95% of my counseling at the altar after service. I cannot think of a time that I counseled a woman away from a service except for the odd phone call. And I never counsel on personal issues on those calls. They are almost always ministry related.
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@Kelly - missed your post. Good points.
Reminds me of Rick Warrens 10 commandments for ministers http://blog.pastors.com/2007/04/30/saddleback-staff-ten-commandments/
1. Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex. *
2. Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.*
3. Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.*
4. Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home. *
5. Thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex alone at the office, and thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex more than once without that person’s mate. Refer them.
6. Thou shalt not discuss detailed sexual problems with the opposite sex in counseling. Refer them.
7. Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with an attender of the opposite sex.
8. Thou shalt be careful in answering emails, instant messages, chatrooms, cards or letters from the opposite sex.
9. Thou shalt make your co-worker your protective ally.
10. Thou shalt pray for the integrity of other staff members.
* The first four do not apply to unmarried staff.
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October 16th, 2008 at 5:04 am
One of my mentors actually established a similar ten commandments with his wife. (Maybe he stole them from Pastor Warren)Even stood in front of the church to share them for accountability and to put the congregation on notice. One that he had was to never travel alone. At first this may seem odd but he was a pastor who had many out of town speaking engagements.
Considering that you would be most vulnerable to an attack of this nature while alone… his first defense was to bring his wiife. His second option was to bring an associate pastor with him. (Male of course) Granted this was in a larger church setting with multiple staff. But if the engagement was not related to the church specifically he would personally cover the costs and salary of that individual.
Extreme… maybe. Sign of weakness in that area… possibly. Assuring his wife that he is dedicated to protecting the sanctitity of their marriage at all costs… certainly.
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October 17th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Nathan,
That sounds like what my pastor does. And he made sure the church knows that he never travels alone.
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October 19th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
My pastor has an “armor bearer” intercessor that travels with her everywhere she goes. She is never alone. Very good policy.
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October 19th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
OH yeah, thats good!
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Love the blog. Ran across it from iamhealed.net . Enjoyed reading your post on sexual purity. I deal with a lot of temptation to lust but God has been giving me a lot more freedom and focus. More Jesus is LIFE.
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