I have told this story lots of times but have never set it to paper.
When I got saved, I really got saved. I was in my late 20s and had live a pretty wicked life. I had gotten out of the military a few years earlier and was in college. I went into a Charismatic church, got set free from the devil, and never looked back.
Within a year I was part of a rogue deliverance/healing ministry and saw all kinds of signs and wonders. We prayed for people all over the place and saw miracles in pizza places, hospitals, living rooms, and anywhere else you find people. I distinctly remember casting the devil out of a homeless man in the doorway to Winn Dixie before buying Swiss Cake Rolls to break a fast. (Oh the college years)
Within two years of getting free I was part of church plant team sent to south Florida. I was beginning to move in the prophetic in general and had a pretty keen word of knowledge. The church I helped plant was not a very healthy one but I was young in the Lord and I did not know any better. There was lots of judgment. I thought that was part of leadership. Maybe the leaders need to know the struggles of the people but this was something else. The church leadership I was a part of would gossip about people. If anyone left the church, all their dirty secrets would be laundered in an effort to discredit them and their criticism of the church.
Because of my critical spirit, almost all the prophetic words I got were filled with judgment. I spoke lots of words about repentance, sin issues, pride and rebellion.
As time went on our church became friendly with a man who lived in town who had spoken at Toronto. My pastor went there and got really blown away. Though he was not completely sold on what was going on, he knew God was in it somehow.
Several months later, Jeremy & Connie Sinnott, who were worship leaders at Toronto, were coming to a church in South Florida for what was billed as a worship conference. The congregation was odd to me but the presence of God was there and so I worshiped. On the second day of the conference, Jeremy and Connie were praying for some people so I was waiting for Jeremy (because I was a man and only men could minister to me). Eventually someone said to me that I should have Connie pray for me because she has a real anointing.
I went to her and she ministered to me what I now know to be the Father’s love. She spoke some words, laid hands on my chest, and I literally began to feel hot liquid flow into my heart. I could only cry. When she was done I could not even talk. I told someone that it felt like my heart was being circumcised. Strange indeed.
After that weekend a work of grace began to develop in my life. The hard prophesies began to be softened and I began to flow in a compassion I had never experienced before. When someone came to me for counsel, no longer was my first impression to find a reason to blame them for their problems. Before, no matter what you were going through I could always find a way to make it your fault. That was not the initial response after that.
So this love of God began to swell my heart but I had this problem. I had this word of knowledge that I seemingly could not control. I could look at people and see the sin in their lives. I only had to listen to someone for a minute before I could clearly see all their moral transgressions. This made it almost impossible to have meaningful relationships. All I could see was people’s sins. They would tell me they were fine but I knew better and I wanted to rebuke people so badly.
I now had this issue. I knew the love of God but I was getting all this dirt on people and I was in the leadership of a church that was constantly bringing accusation against everybody. There was no issue that could not be solved with a rebuke.
As an example. When my son was born he had a slight problem keeping down food that caused him to be hospitalized. It turned out to be minor but they had a hard time diagnosing it and he was quite ill. In the midst of this hard time I went to my pastor and told him that I was having a hard time and that I was being tempted with lust. While my son was dieing in the hospital he said to me,
“You know that this sin is the reason your son is in the hospital right?”
Blech! I have to spit that out every now and then. I cannot believe I thought that was godly counsel. (If that man is reading this please repent. If you go to his church, RUN!)
So I had this revelation of the love of God in conflict with what I was receiving and how I saw Him ministered. In the midst of this conflict, I took a pilgrimage to Toronto.
At first, I was really disappointed. The services were quite tame. The ushers did not let people remain in the isles during the preaching and most extravagant behavior was stopped. This was not the kennel I was told it would be.
There were lots of great sessions with great speakers but as I look back God did two things. The first was I got a revelation that I am exactly how God created me to be (this is a major post in itself so I won’t go into it). The second was almost as impactful as my time with the Sinnots.
In the middle of one session John Sanford said, “Just because you have access to the spirit realm does not mean you can go snooping around in everybody’s life. If they have not asked for your ministry, stay out of their business.” This is not a direct quote but pretty close. John then talked about how you can read people by staring at them long enough and how people today call that prophesy but it is not. It is soulish and does not glorify God. His wife Paula talked about walking into a room and picking up the burdens of every person in the room and that she had to learn to not allow that to happen. She had to reject that natural reaction.
This was revelation to me! Just as the ministry of the Sinnots revolutionized my relationship with God, this one little teaching revolutionized my ministry. After that time, when I would start getting accusations against a person I would have to tell myself that I am not going there.
God began to use me in genuine prophetic revelation. That is revelation minus the anger. Since the church could not bring accusation against me regarding my personality they began to tell me that I did not have a prophetic gift and that I was an evangelist so I should only bring prophetic words to the lost. And it just got goofier from there. Eventually the God I knew conflicted with the church I was attending and it was time to go (can you say deliverance?).
In the past few years I have had people tell me that I am one of the nicest people that they know. And I have people call me saying that I always have a word of encouragement. This is a miracle! I was genuinely changed by a few encounters. Now I have read books by lots of the people in this movement and have listened to lots of teaching series and watched lots of conferences online but these two moments were landmarks in my walk.
So when I hear people say that Toronto was a counterfeit move or that it was really the devil I quietly pray that the Lord forgives them. It really is a frightful thing to call the Holy Ghost a demon. Not an area that I would tread.
Were there things in Toronto that were off? Aren’t there in your church? Aren’t there in your ministry? Could you testify that every single person that has ever heard your teaching will respond in a biblically sound manor will produce good fruit? If your church sees a couple hundred people a year how many of them are fruitcakes that you could not help or would not be helped? Imagine if that number was a half million that came through. Give a little grace.
In the end, I know that God was in that place. They have since ended the nightly meetings and the crowds have disbanded but there are congregations all over the world that were birthed in a move of the Father’s love the same way I was.
update: this post was in response to a post by Michael at Charismatica.
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